Passionate about everything! I may not have the life I dreamed of, but I love the life I have. I jump out of my bed, ready to embrace what the world has in store for me. I live happy, joyous and free. But it took a lot of work to get here and I’m still a work in progress. Through photography and through writing my blog, I found out that I AM creative. When I take a photo, create a still life scene, press the shutter on the camera or write a blog, I am at peace, and I heal, just a little more.
That’s what I wrote at the beginning of this year as my bio or tag line as I joined a new group in photography. It was quite an introduction and I really felt it at that time, on that day. And I feel it most of the time as well. But it did take a lot of work to get here and a long battle with a lot of demons. Of course, participating in a job where I can be of service to others is so satisfying as well. Okay, you can scream uncle now. It’s sometimes an honour and it is sometimes a pleasure to be part of peoples actions and reaction, both the good and the bad. I was told in college that I’d have front row tickets to the largest circus on earth and they sure weren’t kidding. Sometimes, when we brief each other about important matters at the start of shift, I will just shake my head and think “ You can’t make this shit up!”
I was a little surprised to realize that I did feel this way on that day. Gone was the pain and anger of the last year, replaced by the excitement of starting the year, fresh and anew. But I soon crashed and burned. I didn’t get into the photo-a-day as I had hoped, or even into a photo a week, and I wasn’t able to write a story, resistant to everything creative. Then Sue told me her limited eyesight was failing and she was afraid she would be going black soon. She said she might spend a couple of months on the couch just to adjust. For me, that is the worse idea, all caught up in self-pity. But it wasn’t my eyesight, but it still was happening to me.
Then it happened, a couple months later and woke up, jumped from my bed ready to greet the day with whatever it had in store for me. And I picked up my laptop and wrote a blog. Yeah. My first in nearly a year. And it felt freeing and I knew happy, joyous and free again. I started to think about more posts and the photos I wanted to take to go with those stories. It felt good to be in this place, back in a moment of total contentment and I was that bio that I had written about two months before. And I learned something.
I need to have outlets, places to put my emotions and work through stuff silently in the background as I focus on something in the foreground. That is what writing and photography have given me. Although I don’t feel the way my bio suggests every day, I do feel that way a lot of the time, when I am living my life fully, which incudes being creative. So what I learned is that I must create to thrive for that is what that bio means to me, someone who is thriving. This year, I hope to have more and more days, strung together as many times as I can to be in a place of thriving as my bio suggests.
In lightness and love.